Getting there...A Journey of the Heart...

So, part of the conflict that has been in my heart is the knowing that I was not spending the time in the Word like I should have been. I have been working to make it more of a priority (and will still be working on it). The other issue has been the lack of praying like I should have. I can't pinpoint where or when this unsettledness began but I know that it has been longer than it should have been. I haven't wanted to do much of anything and since i don't have my back as an 'excuse" anymore I have been forced to "deal with it". So, all this to say- I am hopefully and prayerfully looking ahead with hope to the future and trust that He is going to lead me exactly where He wants me to be- and doing exactly what He wants me to do....

I started this post back on November 7 and in the month since then I have come to understandings and realizations and in the process- some peace. I know that my journey isn't over and this is something that I will have to let go of on a daily basis-understanding that He is in control and that God truly does know what is best for me. So, what prompted this journey? Desire and unfulfilled dreams. Anyone who knows me knows that my greatest desire is to have a family of my own and those who know me- know that that particular dream has been unfulfilled. Some of my unsettledness has stemmed from friends getting married (and lots of them) having children due to natural birth and in some cases- adoption. Don't get me wrong- I am THRILLED for them but each time a little part of me dies because it's like my dream has taken another hit. Do I understand it? Not at all. Do I trust Him? I can say with absolute certainty my answer is YES (and for a while I wondered if I truly did).




(both of these found on Pinterest)

and this is an honest post- hard to write because it's having to come to terms that things may not be what "my" plan is and understanding that that is okay...

Momentary Affliction

Today in class we studied 1 Peter and one of the verses it took us back to was this verse in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I know that the conflict that my heart is engaged in is only momentary- this verse gives me that hope. And, when I break through that conflict I am going to know that it was all part of the preparation for eternity. I told someone that this verse was a balm to my soul. I have heard and read this verse numerous times over the many years I have studied but never has it made an impact as it did today. I heard this song the other day and it hit a chord with me...

Days of Gratitude and Wonder

All over Facebook people are putting what they are thankful for in a 30 days of gratitude thing. But why should it be limited to 30 days- shouldn't we be thinking on what we are thankful for 365 days out of the year (or 366 on those crazy leap years)? Why just in November? Why not January? Why not have 31 days of thankfulness for a new year? Eh, maybe I'm just cynical right now. Don't get me wrong- I am thankful for more than I can ever express and I'm pondering how to tie this in to my life and my blog- but I know that for ME, I need to focus on more than 30 days. And then after the season of thankfulness what happens- we get all crazy as we enter the season of Christmas- but for me- this year- I want it to be a season of WONDER.

I have sort of lost my passion, my sense of wonder for the gift that was given to me. I have heard my dad say it before but Jesus is not the reason for the season- we are the reason because we are the reason that He came to be born and fulfill the prophecies for the Messiah. So, my goal this season is live my days of gratitude and wonder and not to let the busyness of life and cynicism that can creep in take over. And more importantly for that attitude of gratitude and wonder to go beyond 30 days, to go beyond November and even December.

This song by Hillsong has been one that has just stuck in my mind over and over.