Monday, February 21, 2011

Faith vs. Fear

Fear: to be afraid or apprehensive

Faith: firm belief in something for which there is no proof; complete trust

If you are human then you have faced the first one - probably more than once. It can come in many forms- circumstances, our perceptions, or even just other people. My most recent "bout" with fear is one that comes to mind between November and February since November 2008. That's when my life turned upside down. In January of 2009 I was diagnosed with a kidney disorder. It's not life-threatening, it's not anything harmful except that I make kidney stones all the time. It all started in November of 2008 and then in December of 2008 I underwent a CT scan where my doctor informed me that I could lose one or both of my kidneys, but she wasn't a specialist so she was going to send me to one. All of this happened a week before Christmas so I went through this all over the Christmas holiday. I was very fearful- and struggled with what to feel. Then I had- what can only be described as- an encounter with God. I really felt a sense of peace about what was going to happen- did that alleviate my anxiety- NOPE but it was a bit different. For the past two years since I am apprehensive going into my follow up visits. This week was that visit. On Monday I had to go in for an x-ray and Thursday was the actual visit. What it came down to was simple- God is still working. Basically my stones are way too small to be seen on an x-ray and the only way they would be seen is through a CT scan- my doctor sees no need for one of those at this point in time. This is GREAT news- they are not growing in size or quantity so what I am doing food wise is working- so I just have to keep plugging away. I still have the belief that if God wanted to completely heal me of this he would but if He chooses not to- I am okay with that because His plan is bigger than mine.

I am choosing faith over fear!

1 comment:

Bill (cycleguy) said...

You obviously know I am glad to read this. Love you much. Keep doing what you are doing...physically and spiritually.