Getting there...A Journey of the Heart...

So, part of the conflict that has been in my heart is the knowing that I was not spending the time in the Word like I should have been. I have been working to make it more of a priority (and will still be working on it). The other issue has been the lack of praying like I should have. I can't pinpoint where or when this unsettledness began but I know that it has been longer than it should have been. I haven't wanted to do much of anything and since i don't have my back as an 'excuse" anymore I have been forced to "deal with it". So, all this to say- I am hopefully and prayerfully looking ahead with hope to the future and trust that He is going to lead me exactly where He wants me to be- and doing exactly what He wants me to do....

I started this post back on November 7 and in the month since then I have come to understandings and realizations and in the process- some peace. I know that my journey isn't over and this is something that I will have to let go of on a daily basis-understanding that He is in control and that God truly does know what is best for me. So, what prompted this journey? Desire and unfulfilled dreams. Anyone who knows me knows that my greatest desire is to have a family of my own and those who know me- know that that particular dream has been unfulfilled. Some of my unsettledness has stemmed from friends getting married (and lots of them) having children due to natural birth and in some cases- adoption. Don't get me wrong- I am THRILLED for them but each time a little part of me dies because it's like my dream has taken another hit. Do I understand it? Not at all. Do I trust Him? I can say with absolute certainty my answer is YES (and for a while I wondered if I truly did).




(both of these found on Pinterest)

and this is an honest post- hard to write because it's having to come to terms that things may not be what "my" plan is and understanding that that is okay...

Momentary Affliction

Today in class we studied 1 Peter and one of the verses it took us back to was this verse in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, ¹⁸ as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

I know that the conflict that my heart is engaged in is only momentary- this verse gives me that hope. And, when I break through that conflict I am going to know that it was all part of the preparation for eternity. I told someone that this verse was a balm to my soul. I have heard and read this verse numerous times over the many years I have studied but never has it made an impact as it did today. I heard this song the other day and it hit a chord with me...

Days of Gratitude and Wonder

All over Facebook people are putting what they are thankful for in a 30 days of gratitude thing. But why should it be limited to 30 days- shouldn't we be thinking on what we are thankful for 365 days out of the year (or 366 on those crazy leap years)? Why just in November? Why not January? Why not have 31 days of thankfulness for a new year? Eh, maybe I'm just cynical right now. Don't get me wrong- I am thankful for more than I can ever express and I'm pondering how to tie this in to my life and my blog- but I know that for ME, I need to focus on more than 30 days. And then after the season of thankfulness what happens- we get all crazy as we enter the season of Christmas- but for me- this year- I want it to be a season of WONDER.

I have sort of lost my passion, my sense of wonder for the gift that was given to me. I have heard my dad say it before but Jesus is not the reason for the season- we are the reason because we are the reason that He came to be born and fulfill the prophecies for the Messiah. So, my goal this season is live my days of gratitude and wonder and not to let the busyness of life and cynicism that can creep in take over. And more importantly for that attitude of gratitude and wonder to go beyond 30 days, to go beyond November and even December.

This song by Hillsong has been one that has just stuck in my mind over and over.

When to say something...

and when to stay silent? This is something I have been wrestling with lately. If it's not a "non-biblical" issue where is the line? What if it's just something offensive to one or two particular people? What if it's just a generalization? What if other people see and discuss it? What if it's been aired publicly and then that person gets upset (when they brought it up in the first place)? Comments? Suggestions?

Happy Birthday Dad!

Today is a day that I can't let go by without acknowledging it in some way! Today is my dad's birthday (he is 59- hey, he tells everyone how old I am so I can tell everyone how old he is) :). There are really not enough words to describe how I feel about my earthly father. I know so many people who grow up without a father in the home, with fathers who are tyrants, who lived through years of fear because of their father. I am so blessed that I can say the opposite. These verses in Psalm 22 say it all:

"Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame." Psalm 22:3-5 (ESV)

I have watched my dad through trials/hard times in life and have seen his faith- his trust in Christ and it is such a huge encouragement. I have watched my dad through the good times and have seen the thankfulness to God in those times. I have been blessed- and I hope and pray I never lose sight of that. Love you dad!

A friend posted this song on FB Saturday and as I listened to it- I think it's exactly what my dad would have said as I was growing up and what he would say to this day:

Pleading for His People

Psalm 3:4 "I cried aloud to the Lord, and he answered me from his holy hill."

Psalm 4:1 "Answer me when I call, O God of my righteousness! You have given me relief when I was in distress. Be gracious to me and hear my prayer!"

Psalm 6:6-7 "I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; I drench my couch with weeping. My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes."

Psalm 77:1-3 " I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, and he will hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. When I remember God, I moan; when I meditate my spirit faints."

David was no stranger to pain, anguish, and suffering- and much of it was a result of choices he made and living with the consequences. Does that make his anguish any less real? No, although sometimes I think we tend to brush it aside and say, "He deserved it". Did he, not my place to judge- because in reality, don't I tend to make the same mistakes? Maybe not on the "scale" of his- but sin is sin- period.

The thing that I see over and over from David is who he turned to every single time- His God- the very same God who allowed all of the hurt. Why? Because David knew that God was Sovereign. David knew that he had been called by God to a higher purpose. He knew that God was the KING of kings.

All through the Psalms we see evidence of David turning to God with questions- Why? How long? Who? When? What next? And yet, through the pain, shone glorious truths- truths that he (David) knew about God. Truths that we know about God. Further on in Psalm 77 he said "Then I said, "I will appeal to this, to the years of the right hand of the Most High. I WILL REMEMBER the deeds of the Lord; yes, I WILL REMEMBER your wonders of old. I will ponder all your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds. YOUR way; O God, is holy. What god is great like our God?" (10-13). David asked questions but he didn't stay in those questions- he didn't dwell on them (hmmm... maybe, just maybe we could learn an important lesson there). He went beyond the questions- he REMEMBERED what had been done- he REMEMBERED God's Sovereignty.

I have some sweet friends who are experiencing some of the pain and anguish that David must have felt. Back in December 2009 they had twins who were born at 25 weeks- both less than a lb. Ethan was 13 oz. and 19 months later they were showing signs of thriving. Rather than taking the chance of giving wrong details I encourage you to read Jared and Sara's blog and see the glory through the pain. You can find it here at Raby's Ramblings. Be sure to note how you can pray. I am asking that the few people who might read this blog to plead, to intercede on their behalf. Romans 8:26 says, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

I firmly believe that as believers we are called to intercede for this family as well. I know this is long but before I go I am putting out one last thing- Ethan needs bone marrow asap! It's a life giver that someone else has that can save his (hmm... another lesson there). Go get tested! I am heading out this week to be tested. You can go here for more info (or I believe check your blood bank as well).

Oh, one last thing- the following is a quote by Sara's brother Nathan who lives in TX and is away from the family during this time (the rest of the family is here)- it pretty much sums it up perfectly.

"God has received much glory from the lives of the Jared Raby family already. Our finite minds can't understand how He can want more from them. But His ways are higher than our ways and beyond understanding." - Nate Halley

**all verses are ESV.

Nostalgia...

What do these have in common? Cabbage Patch dolls, Pound Puppies, Care Bears, Nancy Drew, DC Talk (old school), NKOTB (sorry dad, had to throw that one in there), and family vacations to places such as Hershey, Gettysburg, and we can't forget Washington or Iowa :)... For me- they are all parts of my past. Earlier this week I was having a blast of nostalgia- I found some things that led to looking at Youtube videos of old school DC Talk and Geoff Moore. It really took me back to a time when things were much simpler. When I look up nostalgia (online because who really uses a paper dictionary anymore?) this is what I find: Nostalgia : a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition

Looking back can be a good thing but it also can be something that destroys us (look at what happened to Lot's wife when she physically looked back). It is a time that can help us trace God's hand in our lives- a time that helped build our characters- a time that shows us who really matters in our lives and who our true friends are. However, too often we dwell on the past and let it take hold of us in ways that we can't even fully understand. It can affect our present and our future in negative ways- IF we let it.

The important thing to remember is that we can't go forward if we are looking behind us. Paul addresses it in Philippians 3:12-14:

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (ESV)

Embrace the past- it's over and can't be changed- but RUN toward the future with hands wide open to grab onto the teachings place in front of us and a heart that uses the wisdom gained!

35 Years Down... A Lifetime to Go

Yep, it's my birthday and I figured what better day to blog on in the month of June (since apparently I am good to blog one day out of a month). This past year has been an interesting year- but in looking back through all of the other years- it's really not been so different. There have been ups and downs, goods and bads, and everything in between. The question I have to ask myself- Have I TRULY been following HIM in all I say and do? In the life I am leading am I living as one totally sold out and committed to Him? Some days I could definitely say yes, some days I could definitely say no- and some days- well, some days I know that I am just lukewarm and that scares me a bit because I know what the Bible says about those who are lukewarm.

My prayer for the upcoming year is simple-
it's that the fire that I have had returns and burns brighter than ever before
it's that I live a life worthy of the calling that has been given to me
it's that I live a life that TRUSTS in THE ONE who is trustworthy
it's to dream the dreams that He has planned for me and not being afraid to take those steps
it's to look in the eyes of the people I come in contact with and see Christ in them no matter how the world sees them
it's to have a pure and holy passion that starts and ends (or doesn't end) with Christ as the center.

Happy Mother's Day

See this lady (up in the picture)? THAT is MY mom and I am not sure if she will read this or not but I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day. This picture makes me smile because this was from her birthday weekend back in January. It was an "important number" birthday and my sister and nephew and I (along with some help from my dad) surprised her for the weekend.

Anyway, what makes my mom special? Too many things to list but I'll give it a shot!

Proverbs 6:20-21 says:
My son, keep your father’s commandment,
and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Bind them on your heart always;
tie them around your neck.

My mom spent time- with her words and her life- teaching me how much Jesus loved me. She has encouraged me through every season of life I have traveled through. This journey of my life has had had many valleys, mountains, and deserts and she has been with me 100% of the way. She has never turned her back on me or made me feel as if I am worthless or can't do something. In fact, it's quite the opposite- she has shared words of encouragement and godly wisdom from her own personal experiences. She has shown me what being a wife completely devoted to your husband and a mother devoted to your children looks like. IF that is something that God ever brings to me in this life- then I know that I have one to look toward- one who has traveled the journey that is before me- one that has a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen- as she has done so many times in the past. So, on this Mother's Day I want to send a special Mother's Day greeting! I love you Mom!

Lessons from the Storm

You would have to be living under a rock these days to not have heard about the destruction in the south. On Wednesday alone- in our area we were under pretty much constant tornado warnings for over 12 hours. My house had two rounds of hailstorms and pretty intense thunder, lightning, and torrential rain. However, this was nothing compared to this:

4-27-11 Tornado Tuscaloosa, Al from Crimson Tide Productions on Vimeo.

So, this weekend I was driving to Ohio to visit my sister (and family of course) for the weekend and had 6 hours of drive time to think about what I learned from the storm.

1) What appears to be a good thing- may in fact, be the thing that can bring about great destruction. You see, earlier on Wednesday we had a torrential rain and then the sun came out, dried it all up and made it nice and warm. You would think that was just what was needed- but our weathermen mentioned several times that night (in the 8 straight hours of coverage) that really- that was bad. That set up the atmosphere for the perfect conditions for the storms that took place. How often do I look at something and think it's a good thing- maybe even a "God-thing" and realize later that it has brought great destruction?

2) One may think that the effects were localized for each place- but numerous reports have come out about documents, papers, items, photos, etc. being found over a hundred miles from where they started- got me thinking about what I have that could be blown over 100 miles- would it be something I would be proud of? Or ashamed?

3.) What appears to be "small" can cause great damage. The hail that I had was pea-marble sized hail. However, about 15 minutes away I had friends who had dented houses, piles (some 8 inch high) of hail, hail that were the size of baseballs, broken windows, holes in convertible tops, etc. I liken this to words- a comment made in passing, words spoken in "truth" or trying to be "helpful" can cause a tremendous amount of pain. There's a reason why in James it talks about bridling the tongue- we could all (myself included) take those verses to heart a bit more.

4) The past few weeks there have been numerous tornado watches, thunderstorm warnings, tornadic (yes, that is a word- I heard it several times the other night) activity and yet, I am sure there were people caught unaware- people who may have thought- that won't happen to me. Sometimes, I wonder if we have become so desensitized to what we hear that we quit paying attention when someone is trying to help us (kind of like in the fable The Boy Who Cried Wolf). The application is an easy one here- I can't help but think of how often (especially lately) we have heard about Jesus coming back. I am not here to debate the ins and outs and theological viewpoints (quite honestly it's something I need to study more) but the real point- am I ready? Am I helping others be ready? Am I sharing the truths that they need to hear? Am I aware?


Not all of my thoughts by any means- and as I gather some more I will continue to share them but I will leave you with this (and I know this has been long but I hope you have hung in there!)

Focus and a Hard Reality

This post is a hard post to write- it's been a long time since I have been where I am today. Honestly, I am struggling- and that's a hard thing for me to admit- I don't like that I don't have it all figured out (but then neither did the disciples for a LONG time). I have been struggling for a while and it's been something I can't pinpoint. I have had no motivation, no passion, no "nothing" to do anything beyond the necessary parts of living. I LOVE my job and that's been an area where I haven't struggled. People have asked me how I was doing and I respond with a "fine" but in reality- that's not where I am. Some days, I am literally just going through the motions and other days- I don't even feel like I am doing that.

I don't know how long I'll be in this "funk" or what it will take to get me out of it but I knew it was time to be real- especially when I heard this song earlier today...

A Journey...

My attention was directed to Jess' blog by my sweet friend Julie from Come Have a Peace. Jess is the wife of one of our student pastors at church and while I have only spent a little bit of time with her- her heart is one that truly desires to bring glory to God- I truly enjoy listening to her share her heart. This post here is the one that grabbed my attention and I started thinking of my vision/my purpose statement. I'm not married but realized that I didn't need to wait on a spouse to create one- in fact, by doing so may help me in the long run define the kind of man that I should be waiting on. So, I combined my two blogs (my card blog and this one) for my vision statement: The Journey of a Life Desiring to Delight in Him. Then I started thinking of what that meant and like Jess decided to break it down:

The Journey- journey used as a transitive verb means: to travel over or through. I have been on many journeys- from the family vacations to the mission trips to a journey right down the street, to the difficulties of health challenges, to loss of a physical object/person or a dream. Journeys take you places and you are never the same after it's over. In my life I have been on 6 mission trips and each of the 6 were completely different and yet- each of them changed/impacted my life in some way. I found this quote that sums it up:

"The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination." Don Williams, Jr.

And they said to him, "Inquire of God, please, that we may know whether the journey on which we are setting out will succeed." And the priest said to them, "Go in peace. The journey on which you go is under the eye of the LORD." Judges 18:5-6 (ESV)

That verse spoke volumes- my journey is under God's watchful eyes! WOW!

of a Life- there were several definitions for life: a specific phase of earthly existence; the period of duration, usefulness, or popularity of something; and (my personal favorite) an opportunity for continued viability. I have heard the little story about living in the dash- you have a birth date and a death date on your tombstone but in the middle is a dash. That dash represents your life and I want to be remembered (or leave a legacy) in my dash. Life was never promised to be easy BUT we were promised that HE would never leave us nor forsake us in that life.

"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." William Wallace

This verse tells me all I need to know- I WILL get tired, I WILL get weary BUT (so glad there's a but) He gives me the strength I need exactly when I need it.

"Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:28-31 (ESV)

Desiring to- this word carries so many connotations. M-W defines desiring as: to long or hope for; exhibit or feel desire for. We desire many things (or people). A spouse (for most single people), your spouse (for those married people), a new job, or even a physical object. So often, we rush ahead and act on our desires instead of waiting and seeking the Lord in our quest. When that happens- it's usually not a good thing- it usually ends up leading us off our straight path (Proverbs 3:5-6).

"You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled." Charles Spurgeon

and

"When your will is God's will, you will have your will." Charles Spurgeon

One of my favorite verses: For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 (ESV)

I think the last part says it all- SEEK HIM and FIND HIM but we HAVE to seek with ALL of our heart!

Delight in Him!- I have heard over and over the truth found in Psalm 37:4-5. Sometimes that's easier said than done. However, if this is what I truly desire- then this where my heart can be found. Delighting in Him! Delighting very simply means: to take great pleasure in. If I am spending my time with that which is of Him then I will be delighting in Him. But the flipside of that- he also takes delight in me (he even tells me so!) and rejoices over me! How can I not return that?

"Do you feel loved by God because you believe he makes much of you, or because you believe he frees you and empowers you to enjoy making much of him?" John Piper

When I read that quote- it caused me to stop and re-evaluate- I want to enjoy making much of Him- that's what I am called to do...

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV)

This is one of those verses that I never tire of reading- each time I read it- or sing the song that is based on this passage- I am just overwhelmed by his grace. Do I fail? Yes, no doubt about it- but he is mighty to save- and that means even from my failures.

Praying for Awakening

If I didn't work on Mondays- I would be there- so since I can't I will be praying during my lunch time.

Knoxville is a growing city- and it's also a city that has come to mean a lot to me as I have lived here for 16 of the last 18 years (wow- that's a long time). I have recently become involved with a ministry through KARM (Knoxville Area Rescue Ministries) and every time I go I am struck by the hunger the women have for the Word and for Christ. I am also a teacher in urban Knoxville- I come into contact with needs- physical and spiritual on a daily basis and try to live as a light through my job.

I would like to invite you (if you are local) to join us at:
Prayer for Awakening in Knoxville, Monday, Feb. 28th, noon to 1 pm at Northstar Church. If you are not local- Knoxville could still use your prayers so please pray for an awakening here in Knoxville and for people to step out and step up.

Chad Sparks (and HERE is his blog) is the pastor of Providence Church and has some excellent thoughts behind this Praying for Awakening. You can find more info at the Pray for Awakening site HERE

Would love to hear your thoughts- and how you are praying for awakening....

Faith vs. Fear

Fear: to be afraid or apprehensive

Faith: firm belief in something for which there is no proof; complete trust

If you are human then you have faced the first one - probably more than once. It can come in many forms- circumstances, our perceptions, or even just other people. My most recent "bout" with fear is one that comes to mind between November and February since November 2008. That's when my life turned upside down. In January of 2009 I was diagnosed with a kidney disorder. It's not life-threatening, it's not anything harmful except that I make kidney stones all the time. It all started in November of 2008 and then in December of 2008 I underwent a CT scan where my doctor informed me that I could lose one or both of my kidneys, but she wasn't a specialist so she was going to send me to one. All of this happened a week before Christmas so I went through this all over the Christmas holiday. I was very fearful- and struggled with what to feel. Then I had- what can only be described as- an encounter with God. I really felt a sense of peace about what was going to happen- did that alleviate my anxiety- NOPE but it was a bit different. For the past two years since I am apprehensive going into my follow up visits. This week was that visit. On Monday I had to go in for an x-ray and Thursday was the actual visit. What it came down to was simple- God is still working. Basically my stones are way too small to be seen on an x-ray and the only way they would be seen is through a CT scan- my doctor sees no need for one of those at this point in time. This is GREAT news- they are not growing in size or quantity so what I am doing food wise is working- so I just have to keep plugging away. I still have the belief that if God wanted to completely heal me of this he would but if He chooses not to- I am okay with that because His plan is bigger than mine.

I am choosing faith over fear!

Beautiful by Mercy Me

I don't have much to say about this- the lyrics say it all. The cross makes everyone beautiful!



LOVE the part- where it says- "you're the one He madly loves enough to die..."

Have Patience

I came home today from a weekend in Indiana celebrating my mom's birthday (unlike my dad I WON'T tell her age) :) . On my way home I listened to this song several times

My favorite part of the song is where she sings:
"So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh
This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what
You're doing It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use."

Then I was reading in Psalm 130:5: "I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope..." (ESV)

My thought on this is simply this: Patience is not one of those virtues that I can wrap my arms around easily. There are things/times when I am patient but then I start to wonder what God is up to and want it to happen NOW. It's like the lyrics to the song I posted above: ...And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing It might not be what I would choose But this is the stuff You use."

He knows exactly what He is doing- and that's all I need to know.

(As a little side note- the title of this reminds me of The Music Machine and the song Have Patience
Have patience, have patience
Don't be in such a hurry
When you get impatient, you only start to worry
Remember, remember that God is patient, too
And think of all the times when others have to wait for you

So, as I wait "patiently" I will use that time to grow and develop that trust in Him!

Is it wrong to dream?

Merriam-Webster defines dream as:

(n) a : a strongly desired goal or purpose dream of becoming president> b : something that fully satisfies a wish

(v)

: to have a dream of

2

: to consider as a possibility

3

: to pass (time) in reverie or inaction

It's something I know that we all do- to dream of what we want for the future, to dream of what we wish we had done different in the past, even to escape reality for a little while. But is this harmful? Does it set us up for unrealistic expectations? As a single I dream of being married someday- and while I don't want it to be to the wrong person am I wrong to dream that dream?

I'm not completely sure of that answer- I think maybe I need to change my dream and instead dream of HIM and what HE wants for me. Jeremiah 29:11-13 (which has become very dear to me this past week) clearly states

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (NIV)

He knows my heart's desire, he knows my dreams, he knows my future... and his plans for me are not going to hurt me- they are there to give me hope. I think it all boils down to v. 13- when I seek HIM with ALL of my heart (not 1/4, not 1/2, not even most- ALL) I will find Him.

ETA: For Christmas my dad got me the book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" by Lysa Terkeurst and I started reading it tonight- the introduction is about dreams- the part that stuck out to me "When a woman begins to walk in faith toward God, He will give the dream." Resting in that tonight.

Focus

2010 was a strange year and right now I'm not sure where 2011 is going to take me- however, I know that with God's help I will get through it and will come out stronger on the other side. With that said- my one word for 2011 is:

FOCUS

Part of the personal stuff was that I lost my focus- I shifted my eyes off that which really mattered in my life and especially my relationship with Christ. I didn't lose it- just allowed the subtle shift that didn't make it #1. For me-I have to keep Him #1. So- that's the first part of my focus- the spiritual focus.

The second part of my focus is my physical focus. I was going to bed later and later as the days went by. For my physical well-being I am going to HAVE to go to bed at a decent time and even more importantly- make time for me- in exercising. I have to make it a priority. I have a goal for the end of January- I want to hit it- to do so means I will need a shift in my priorities. That also means I need to control my diet. As of today- January 1- I have no soda in my house- my goal is to not drink any sodas in the month of January. I love me some Diet Dew so this will be a hard one for me- but something has to give. Water, water, water....

The third part of my focus is my relational focus. This is part of the personal stuff that made 2010 a strange year. I am going to work on making my relationships Christ-centered and they need to be both a give and take. If I am giving, giving, giving then I know that relationship is going to burn me out. I am going to work on the balance in relationships and work on trusting...

My verse for the year that I feel really goes along with this word of focus is:
"Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in your truth, give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name." Psalm 86:11 (NIV)

The word UNDIVIDED is key here- ESV refers to it as unite the heart. I want my heart to be completely undivided.