Getting there...A Journey of the Heart...

So, part of the conflict that has been in my heart is the knowing that I was not spending the time in the Word like I should have been. I have been working to make it more of a priority (and will still be working on it). The other issue has been the lack of praying like I should have. I can't pinpoint where or when this unsettledness began but I know that it has been longer than it should have been. I haven't wanted to do much of anything and since i don't have my back as an 'excuse" anymore I have been forced to "deal with it". So, all this to say- I am hopefully and prayerfully looking ahead with hope to the future and trust that He is going to lead me exactly where He wants me to be- and doing exactly what He wants me to do....

I started this post back on November 7 and in the month since then I have come to understandings and realizations and in the process- some peace. I know that my journey isn't over and this is something that I will have to let go of on a daily basis-understanding that He is in control and that God truly does know what is best for me. So, what prompted this journey? Desire and unfulfilled dreams. Anyone who knows me knows that my greatest desire is to have a family of my own and those who know me- know that that particular dream has been unfulfilled. Some of my unsettledness has stemmed from friends getting married (and lots of them) having children due to natural birth and in some cases- adoption. Don't get me wrong- I am THRILLED for them but each time a little part of me dies because it's like my dream has taken another hit. Do I understand it? Not at all. Do I trust Him? I can say with absolute certainty my answer is YES (and for a while I wondered if I truly did).




(both of these found on Pinterest)

and this is an honest post- hard to write because it's having to come to terms that things may not be what "my" plan is and understanding that that is okay...